FukDatShhh.CoM

Police in the US state of Minnesota are planning to auction off a specially modified and motorised lounge chair whose owner crashed it while drunk.

The owner hit a parked car while returning from a bar.

Dennis LeRoy Anderson, 62, pleaded guilty last Monday to driving the La-Z-Boy while drunk in August last year.

The chair was impounded after he smashed into a parked car as he returned from a bar in Proctor.

The chair comes with a stereo, nitrous oxide booster, parachute and a “hell yeah it’s fast” sticker.

Local police chief Walter Wobig told Agence France-Presse news agency the chair would be posted on eBay next week with no reserve price.

Minnesota police can auction off vehicles seized in drink-drive cases or keep them for official use.

The blue and black chair’s other attractions include headlights and a steering wheel in the style of a drag-racer. It can reach up to 20mph (32km/h) with its lawnmower-powered engine.

Mr Anderson, who was not badly injured in the accident, was found to have three times the legal limit when arrested. He said he had drunk eight or nine beers.

Mr Anderson was sentenced to 180 days in jail, suspended pending two years of probation.

The Proctor Journal said the police department had received a number of calls and emails about the chair since the court case.

It quoted one interested party of “racers” as saying they lived outside Minnesota and the chair would “no longer be a menace to your town”.

Land O’ Lakes, Florida – A teacher caught on tape by students suggestively dancing and “grinding” on her students has come to an agreement with the Florida Department of Education, which would possibly allow her to teach again after four years on suspension.

Kylene Nelson lost her job at Rushe Middle School in Land O’ Lakes after allegations back in March she was drinking on the job.

Students used camera phones to video tape the teacher in a language arts class as she danced with students, making them feel uncomfortable.

“We all barricaded ourselves behind the desks,” said one student who asked not to be identified over fear she’d get in trouble at school.

The state agreement would allow Nelson to reapply for a teaching job in Florida after four years of suspension if she completes a substance abuse program. If rehired, she’d then be on probation for another three years.

The agreement between Nelson and the state still requires final approval.

News Source: WTSP.com

FORT PIERCE, Fla. (UPI) – A Florida woman angry at her boyfriend for refusing to buy more beer allegedly tried to choke him and threw a table leg through a window, authorities said.

Police in Fort Pierce, Fla., said the boyfriend told them his live-in girlfriend, Andrea Elizabeth Bathgate, 31, became angry after drinking a lot of beer Tuesday night — and he refused to buy her more because she became “aggressive” while intoxicated, TCPalm.com reported.

Investigators said the man told the woman to leave and she attempted to choke him before exiting. Bathgate then allegedly broke a leg off an outside table and “threw the hard missile through a window of the residence, causing deadly shards of glass to be forcefully launched into the occupied residence,” the arrest affidavit states.

Bathgate was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and a felony count of throwing a missile into a dwelling.

Copyright 2009 by United Press International

STUART, Fla. (UPI) – Authorities in Florida said a man was arrested and charged with breaking into a back yard and jumping into a pool while nude and covered in feces.

The Martin County Sheriff’s Office said a resident reported hearing the man crash through the screen of the pool at about 9 p.m. Saturday. The resident said he spotted the intruder, whom he recognized as someone he had seen around the neighborhood, snatch a towel before fleeing, TCPalm.com reported.

Deputies said a K-9 unit tracked the suspect to a nearby home, where he was identified as Robert Stark Higgins, 21. Higgins told deputies he had been drinking beer and vodka.

It was not clear why Higgins had been covered in feces.

Higgins was charged with burglary of an occupied dwelling, disorderly conduct and misdemeanor theft. He was taken to the Martin County Jail in lieu of $10,500 bond.

Copyright 2009 by United Press International

PASADENA, Texas (UPI) – Police in Texas say a woman took her common-law husband’s goldfish and ate them to get back at him for taking back jewelry he had given her.

Pasadena Police Department spokesman Vance Mitchell said the couple argued about the jewelry and the woman went to the man’s home after he refused to return the items to her — and took seven goldfish, the Houston Chronicle reported.

Mitchell said the man called police and officers went to the woman’s home to attempt to return the fish.

“She said, ‘They’re in there,’ and pointed to the kitchen,” Mitchell said.

He said police found four of the fish fried on a plate and the woman told them she had already eaten the other three. Officers determined the fish were community property because they had been purchased while the couple lived together.

“There was nothing we could do,” Mitchell said. “If he wants to pursue it, it’s a civil case.”

Copyright 2009 by United Press International

NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. (UPI) – Firefighters in California said they were called to a hospital for an unusual rescue — removing a metal ring from a man’s penis.

The Costa Mesa Fire Department said its Urban Search and Rescue squad was called Tuesday to Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian in Newport Beach to saw through a steel, ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener that had been stuck on a man’s penis for two or three days, the Newport Beach Daily Pilot reported.

Costa Mesa Battalion Chief Scott Broussard said the firefighters told him about the man the following morning.

“They said his comment was, ‘This will make me the chief of my tribe,’” Broussard said.

The firefighters said the man told them he was attempting to increase the size of his penis and initially refused to have the ring removed, despite the fact it had blackened and swelled severely from the lack of blood flow.

“He was kind of a wingnut,” Broussard said.

The man agreed to have the ring removed after doctors told him the flesh of his penis was close to dying off. Firefighters in full surgical gear spent two hours sawing through the ring. They said the operation was successful and the man was not injured.

Copyright 2009 by United Press International

16yr Old Claims He Is No Longer Gay After Getting An Exorcism On Tyra Banks! + Prophets Debate With Some Homosexuals If You Can Cure Being Gay Through Religion [Full Episode]

Drunken clowns, Pope hats and spaghetti bathers are just a few of the things traded on Craigslist

Earlier this year the website agreed to drop its “erotic services” section over claims that it promoted pornography, but otherwise the unmoderated, anything-goes ethos on which its success was built continues.

Below we present a selection of some of the most bizarre adverts, requests and personals listed on the site – from the elderly woman looking for a lodger to live in her bathroom, to the man selling 1,300 Pope hats.

While some were undoubtedly posted as pranks, they still reflect the spirit of a website that proudly keeps itself open to all internet life.

1. RalphNader chair “Yes, that’s right. Ralph Nader, perennial Green Party candidate for the U.S. presidency MAY have sat in this very chair! It was used in his Washington, DC campaign headquarters until I purchased it on Craiglist several months ago. It has a nice red, commie upholstery and a sleek black plastic backing. The wheels don’t function well, but that is a small price to pay for state control of the means of production.”
2. I want some orange juice “I’ll give you $2 + cost if you’ll deliver me some orange juice with receipt. I’m too lazy to get it myself. I live right by University Drive in Elon. Thank you.”
3. Seeking adult drunk clown for 30th birthday party “We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn’t even need to socialize with anyone, just drink.”
4. Duck mask “Full head rubber mask, old, has discoloration on white feather part from age, storage. Hey I got it on my big head, so it works that way.”
5. Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit “I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner.”
6. Wanted: Pony “My kid is having a birthday coming up soon, and there’ll be a lot of children around, so I figured I’d better get a pony. If you do have a pony you could sell, please contact me, and then immediately start putting barbeque sauce in it’s bedding or add some Lawry’s to it’s salt lick – I like to marinade it early and long, so that the flavor is at it’s peak by the time I take possession.”
7. I have a huge bathroom “I am a female in my mid 60’s and I am looking for a room mate. Times are tight and I need some extra money. I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home. My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better.”
8. Pope hats “Because of this terrible economy, I’m having to shut down my business. I have OVER 1300 Pope hats (replicas) that I REALLY need to get rid of. The pope hats came from China and are a little too small for most adult heads and are also irritating to the skin, so you would need to have long hair or wear a smaller hat underneath (just like the REAL POPE). Dogs do not like to wear these pope hats, but maybe a large cat or maybe a nice dog would wear one.”
9. Need someone to hide easter eggs in my apartment when im not home “I need someone to hide easter eggs in my apt when i am not there ! They are small and filled with candy! I would like to find them myself on sunday! I am willing to pay! Serious inquiries only!”
10. Free couch, if you can bend time and/or space “I have a free couch for anyone who can get it back out of my room. It’s a comfy couch, cool stripe velvet in great shape, impossibly uncomfortable sleeper, but otherwise easily worth $50-75 bucks in Craigslist land. So why am I listing in for free? Because I am pretty sure it is physically impossible to remove this thing from my second story bedroom down the narrow hallway, down the narrower staircase and out the front door of my little Victorian duplex.”
11. I took your purse and felt a connection “Tuesday night around 11:30. On 53rd btw 1st and 2nd. You came out of the subway and I followed you. You looked over your shoulder, saw me and started walking faster. I ran up, grabbed your arm, took your purse and ran away.I’ve done many a snatch-and-grab but no one has ever stuck in my mind like you. There was a quick moment when our eyes met that I felt something strong. I think you felt it too. If I wasn’t so shy (or so committing a crime) I would have asked your name. I, of course, later got your name from your drivers license. So Jennifer if you’d like to get together for a drink sometime get back to me.”
12. Looking for bridesmaids “So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmenlined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn’t matter….you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won’t have to pay for a thing.”
13. Do you have a small, incontinent dog? “Or perhaps you work for a small dog rescue of some sort. Either way, I have a package of small doggy diapers. I don’t want to throw them out coz they are pretty expensive. (as someone with a small, incontnent dog would already know). Please don’t try to put them on a cat. It won’t work. Trust me.”
14. My teeth “I left my Dentures in your Silverado last night. I gave you my number but did not get yours. Please call me asap. I need my teeth. We met in the parking lot of Margarita Jones. Get back to me asap please. Thank you.”
15. Disgruntled American seeks Canadian for political asylum, maybe more “Are you a lonely, possibly desperate Canadian woman aged 18-50? Tired of trying to find a good man among your flannel clad, Labatt’s drinking, moose hunting country men? Willing to take in an American who is fed up with his country? Then I’m the guy for you! Maybe you’re a bit overweight or suffer from “Lifelong Ugly Duckling” syndrome. I don’t care.”
16. Autographed copy of Plato’s Republic “1st edition of The Republic signed by its author. There is of course a reasonable amount of wear and tear, (light highlighting and underlining,dog-eared pages, back cover missing, etc.), but it is in overall good condition considering its age.”
17. Ferocious attack kitten “This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear – however he will bite your face if you try to touch it. For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.”
18. Free- international ketchup packet collection “This is a collection of ketchup packets from around the world. approximately 25 countries are represented here, including japan, finland, estonia, greenland, brazil, and portugal. none of the packets have been opened and they are labeled with their home country. Collection comes in decorative box with ducks on it.”
19. Personal texting assistant “I get 40 – 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.”
20. 300 stuffed penguins “I’m going through a pretty weird time in my life right now–having just gone through a break-up and graduated college and temporarily living in my parents’ house before I move out for good in in the fall, though I remain unemployed because my philosophy degree is at *such* a premium–and sifting through my room (which has become a strange amalgam of my adolescence andburgeoning adulthood), it’s been brought to my attention that I probably won’t “catch a man” or have anyone believe I’m about to turn 23 with 300 penguins and a bunch of purple furniture around, that looking at my current room one might think some sort of 13-year-old with developmental issues is living here.”

Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk