FukDatShhh.CoM

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph ’s Hospital. She timidly asked, ‘Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?’

The operator said, ‘I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number?’

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, ‘Norma Findlay Room 302.’

The operator replied, ‘Let me place you on hold while I check with her Nurse.

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, ‘Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.’

The grandmother said, ‘Thank you. That’s wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.’

The operator replied, ‘You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?’

The grandmother said, ‘No, I’m Norma Findlay in 302. No one here tells me shit.’

There were two high school sweethearts who dated chastely for all four years of high school. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast while the guy went to the west coast.

They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. It was evident that she had become very loose and trampy but he still saw the good in her and wanted to win her back. But she became annoyed. Since she now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this:

She took a photo of herself in an unmentionable position with her new boyfriend and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.” Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was very upset. So what he did next was awesome:

He wrote on the back of the photo the following: “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!” and then mailed the picture to her parents.

A hitchhiker in the hills of Tennessee was picked up by a hillbilly who pulled a gun on him and ordered him to take a bottle of corn moonshine from the glove compartment of the car.

“Drink it,” the hillbilly ordered, waving the gun. The hitchhiker took a swallow from the bottle, gasped, gulped, sobbed, blinked, wept, gagged, choked, shuddered, squirmed, and twitched.

“All right,” the hillbilly said. “Now you take the gun and force me to take a drink.”

They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is my father?”

The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with “Your father is fishing in Michigan.”

The skeptical man said triumphantly, “You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years.”

“No”, replied the super computer immediately. “Your mother’s husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout.”

One morning Bobby’s mother was cleaning his room, and she found a dirty magazine depicting spanking under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.

Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going to handle this situation.

Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, “Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question.”