FukDatShhh.CoM

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job.

The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!”

“No matter,” said the man, “observe!” He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”

“I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “But his face sure rings a bell.”

MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (UPI) – A Middletown, Ohio, court has sentenced a woman to a month in jail after she admitted to chasing children and blocking traffic while dressed as a cow.

Michele Allen, 32, pleaded guilty to one count of disorderly conduct after police said she dressed as a cow Saturday night and chased children after urinating on a neighbor’s porch, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported Tuesday.

Allen was ordered by an officer to go home and remain there for the evening, but later in the evening authorities received a call that a woman in a cow costume was blocking traffic. Police said she had alcohol on her breath when an officer arrived and she shouted and swore at the officer.

She was sentenced to one month in the Middletown Jail.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

INYOKERN, Calif. (UPI) – Police in Inyokern, Calif., say five men were charged with stealing up to $8,000 from the walls of a restaurant after one used the bills to pay a court fine.

Investigators said one of the alleged thieves used 10 bills, which had been marked by Homestead customers before being tacked to the restaurant’s wall, to pay a fine and the money was recognized by a clerk, the Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday.

Police said they have recovered about $1,000 of the money that once decorated the walls of the Homestead.

“Part of the place’s charm was all the old bills, all the memories,” said Michael Scott, senior deputy in the Kern County sheriff’s office. “Everybody in town knew exactly where they came from.”

Officers said one of the alleged thieves also was found to have Homestead thumbtacks stuck in the sole of one of his shoes.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

LEEDS, England (UPI) – Police in Leeds, England, said thieves broke into a secure police depot and made off with more than $1 million in video games that had been seized the same day.

Investigators said seven pallets of games — which included 16,000 copies of “Brothers in Arms: Hell’s Highway” for the PlayStation 3 — were stolen from a truck while the driver was resting, The Daily Telegraph reported.

Officers spotted falsified license plates on the truck being used by the thieves and it was impounded along with the video games. However, before the truck and games could be tested for fingerprinted and DNA, it was stolen from a police depot.

The truck was later found abandoned — and empty — in a Bradley, England, parking lot.

“We are pursuing a number of lines of inquiry, including eBay transactions where a number of the games have been potentially identified as being advertised for sale. Arrests have already been made in respect of this,” a police spokesman said.

A spokesman for video game creator Ubi Soft said the company is working to replace the stolen games.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

LEEDS, England (UPI) – Police in Leeds, England, said thieves broke into a secure police depot and made off with more than $1 million in video games that had been seized the same day.

Investigators said seven pallets of games — which included 16,000 copies of “Brothers in Arms: Hell’s Highway” for the PlayStation 3 — were stolen from a truck while the driver was resting, The Daily Telegraph reported.

Officers spotted falsified license plates on the truck being used by the thieves and it was impounded along with the video games. However, before the truck and games could be tested for fingerprinted and DNA, it was stolen from a police depot.

The truck was later found abandoned — and empty — in a Bradley, England, parking lot.

“We are pursuing a number of lines of inquiry, including eBay transactions where a number of the games have been potentially identified as being advertised for sale. Arrests have already been made in respect of this,” a police spokesman said.

A spokesman for video game creator Ubi Soft said the company is working to replace the stolen games.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

DES MOINES, Iowa (UPI) – The Iowa Department of Public health said a woman found a dead bat in her coffee filter after she had been drinking the beverage.

The department said the woman, who was from the eastern part of the state, made her coffee in the evening and then drank it the next morning, The (Cedar Rapids, Iowa) Gazette reported.

The woman told officials that when she went to change the filter that evening, she found the dead bat inside.

Ann Garvey, a veterinarian with the department, said the woman underwent treatment for rabies after the bat corpse’s brain was found by the University Hygienic Laboratory in Oakdale, Calif., to have been too cooked by the coffee maker for rabies testing.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International