FukDatShhh.CoM

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

PORTSMOUTH, Va. (UPI) — A Portsmouth, Va., woman said she is being sued by the state for $75,000 after she backed into another car during a Department of Motor Vehicles road test.

Antoinette Bowser said she learned recently — two years after the failed road test — that the state expects her to pay the fine to cover the medical expenses and lost wages of the DMV employee administering the test, The (Norfolk, Va.) Virginian-Pilot reported.

The state’s lawsuit claims Bowser hit the car with such “force and violence” that the employee, Geralynn Banks, suffered “great pain of body and mind.”

However, Bowser said she recalls the accident as a minor fender-bender.

“I know I walked away. And I know she walked away,” she told the newspaper.

Bowser, who has yet to get her driver’s license, said she doesn’t know how she could afford to pay the fine.

“I don’t have $75,000 laying around,” Bowser said to The Virginian-Pilot. “I’m just making it like everybody else.”

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. (UPI) — A California woman faces criminal charges after her 10-year-old son told police she counterfeited money in her home, officials said.

Jessie Reed, of Bakersfield, Calif., was taken into police custody with her husband July 4, after her son told authorities she used a computer for illegal activities, the Bakersfield Californian reported.

The boy accused his mother of tampering with identification cards and producing phony cash, a search warrant says.

The warrant says the boy gave authorities copies of the fake cash.

Police said they found phony bills when they raided Reed’s home, where they seized computer printers, scanners and disks.

Court documents indicate Reed has been charged with second-degree burglary, unauthorized use of identifying information of another and possessing driver’s license/identification to commit forgery.

She is expected in court Friday, the newspaper said.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

• AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
  intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package.
  Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
• Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
  gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
  tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
  beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.
• An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and
  forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The
  kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
• A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension
  under his elementary school’s drug policy last week – for Certs! Joey
  Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him “jump
  higher.”
• A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for
  giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann
  reiterated the school’s “zero-tolerance” policy…not to be confused
  with the “zero-intelligence” policy.
• Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
  destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowner’s
  newly installed fire prevention alarm system. “This is even worse than
  last year,” said the distraught homeowner, “when someone broke in and
  stole my new security system…”

PLANT CITY, Fla. (UPI) – Authorities in Plant City, Fla., said a man was arrested for misusing the 911 system after he begged authorities to take him to jail.

The Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office said Peiter Vanvliet, 47, repeatedly phoned 911 to say there was a warrant for his arrest and said he would wait for deputies to come take him into custody, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Wednesday.

However, there was no warrant and Vanvliet was not being sought in connection with any crimes — that is, until he committed the crime of misusing the 911 system to repeatedly request his arrest, deputies said. He was taken into custody.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International