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LOS ANGELES (UPI) – A 71-year-old Los Angeles woman said she was able to stop an attacker in her home from assaulting her daughter by offering him beer.

Linda Dodson, 45, said a large man entered her room and attacked her at 3:37 a.m. Monday while her mother was sleeping in the next room, KTLA-TV, Los Angeles, reported.

“He had his big hands … on my throat, my mouth and my nose and I’m flopping … when he released his hand for a second, I just let out this blood-scorching scream,” Dodson said.

Dodson’s mother said she came into her daughter’s room to investigate the scream and jumped onto the attacker’s back. However, she said she decided to switch tactics after the attacker threw her against a wall and grabbed her face so hard the lenses popped out of her glasses.

“I just looked at him because I could tell he had been drinking and I said, ‘I don’t know about you, but I could use a beer, how about you?’” she said. “And he said yes.”

The mother and daughter took the suspect into their living room and gave him a beer, which seemed to calm him. Linda Dodson said she phoned 911 after excusing herself to go to the bathroom and police arrived soon after.

Louie Herrera, a convicted child molester, was arrested on suspicion of residential burglary, false imprisonment, and resisting arrest.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah (UPI) — A shotgun-wielding man in West Valley City, Utah, chased a pair of burglars from his home while wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts, police said.

Tony Gamonal grabbed a shotgun and gave chase when the burglars fled from his home, The Salt Lake Tribune reported.

Police arrived on the scene and Gamonal helped apprehend a suspect while the second suspect managed to escape.

Gamonal said he didn’t realize until after the suspect was arrested that he was outside in his underwear.

“I looked down and said, ‘oh man … here I am,’” he said.

He said this was the second time in two weeks that his home had been burglarized. He said he intends to protect his home at all times, regardless of his attire.

“If you can’t be safe in your own home, where can you be?” Gamonal said. “There was no doubt; I was so mad that I would have shot them.”

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

NORWALK, Calif. (UPI) – An elderly California woman was arrested after she allegedly drove her car into the windows of a convenience store and then tried to buy beer, police said.

Lynne Rice, 74, is accused of driving her 1988 Cadillac into the front windows of Joe’s Food Mart, said Lt. Jenny Ha of the Norwalk Sheriff’s Station.

Officials said damages from the Sunday crash total about $8,000.

The store owner said after the 112-pound woman crashed into the store she got out of the car and tried to buy a six-pack of Bud.

Rice allegedly shoved the cashier when he refused to make the sale, the Long Beach (Calif.) Press-Telegram reported.

Ha said no injuries were reported in the incident, but Rice received medical treatment for an existing health problem.

Rice was released Sunday from the Norwalk Sheriff’s Station on $15,000 bail after being arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, the newspaper said.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

PALM BAY, Fla. (UPI) – Police in Palm Bay, Fla., have arrested a 14-year-old boy who allegedly broke into a home and ordered more than $100 worth of porn movies on a TV.

Officers said the boy was charged with occupied burglary and grand theft after he allegedly entered a family’s home and used its TV account to order about $129 worth of pornographic films, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported.

Police said the family had arrived home from shopping to find the alleged perpetrator watching their television.

The teenager has previously been arrested on felony charges, police said.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”

The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”

“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”

“I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”

“Well, then we need a urine sample.”

“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”

“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m too drunk to do that.”

A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, “I don’t get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation.”

The angel says, “We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?”

The preacher says, “Once in a while someone fell asleep.”

The angel says, “Right. And when people rode in this guy’s taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!”

At the age of 19, I was a normal girl who had just started college as a dance major with dreams of opening nights and curtain calls. But a few months into my college career, kidney failure ground my world to a halt. Sick and exhausted, I went home to be looked after by my parents and undergo dialysis treatments. Without them, I would have died. I no longer had the energy to do anything.

Luckily for me, live organ donation freed me from dialysis when my father generously volunteered to give me one of his kidneys. I resumed a mostly normal life, got back into shape, finished college and landed a job dancing with a touring show.

I’d never considered myself an athlete, but following my transplant, I heard about the National Kidney Foundation U.S. Transplant Games, taking place July 11-16 in Pittsburgh. The games are an Olympic-style athletic event for transplant recipients of all ages who compete in 13 different sports. I became determined to get into shape to show the world what transplantation makes possible.

I’ll be competing for medals in track and field to showcase the lifesaving power of organ donation and encourage people to think about signing up as organ donors. Readers interested in learning more about the games or getting free organ donor cards and information can contact the National Kidney Foundation at 1-800-622-9010 or visit www.transplantgames.org. – Emily Biondi, Baltimore, Md.