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JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Guests at an Israeli wedding hall can now insert a credit card into a machine at its entrance, tap in a sum and leave a gift for the bride and groom.

“It’s new in Israel and the world,” Aya Alon Kaufman of the Gan Oranim hall in Tel Aviv said on Israel’s Channel 10 television. “It’s very convenient … guests can give a gift even if they forget their chequebooks.”

She said couples pay 500 shekels ($155) to rent the device, which resembles an automated teller machine, and the recorded funds are transferred into their bank account the next day.

The machine, shown being used in the television report, prints out a “deposit” slip with the guest’s name, which can be put into an envelope along with a congratulatory note and inserted into a slot in the device for the couple to retrieve.

Rather than bring boxed gifts, guests at Israeli weddings usually leave cash or cheques in envelopes they slip into a safe placed at the reception hall’s door.

(Writing by Jeffrey Heller)

ST PETERSBURG (Reuters) - A Russian woman in St Petersburg killed her drunk husband with a folding couch, Russian media reported on Wednesday.

St Petersburg’s Channel Five said the man’s wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall.

The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying.

The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband.

Police refused to comment.

The St Petersburg Emergency Services Ministry said a private rescue service removed the man’s body.

Video on the television channel’s website showed emergency workers sawing away the side panels of a couch to remove a man in his underwear lying headfirst between the cushions.

Emergency workers said the man died instantly.

(Additional reporting by Tatiana Ustinova, Writing by Chris Baldwin, editing by Alison Williams)

BERLIN (Reuters) – Firefighters called to a blaze at an apartment building in a southern German town were astonished to discover a fully equipped extremely drunk imposter in their ranks, police said on Thursday.

On hearing the alarm, the 38-year-old man had rushed to the fire station, was helped into protective clothing and helmet by unsuspecting firefighters and boarded the fire engine, a spokesman for Suedhessen police said.

After arriving at the apartments, firefighters quickly realized the man was an imposter and called the police, he added.

“When fire breaks out, it’s all hands on deck!” the man told officers when questioned about his motives. He was released without charge after sobering up overnight in a police cell.

(Reporting by Iain Rogers)

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive….
so, I took her to a gas station…..

And then the fight started….
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’

And then the fight started…..
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…..
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and  shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’ So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started…..