FukDatShhh.CoM

BRIGHTON, Mich. (UPI) — A Michigan doctor says he found it funny the city of Brighton sent him a “final notice and demand of payment” for 51 cents in property taxes.

Dr. Phil Kazanji said he chuckled at a notice from the city that said legal action would be taken against him if he didn’t fork over 51 cents in delinquent taxes.

“This is the most ridiculous thing a government agency would do,” Kazanji told the Livingston County (Mich.) Daily Press & Argus.

Kazanji added that the city actually lost money by spending $5.21 to mail the certified letter.

Brighton officials said they are required by law to fine delinquent tax payers, regardless of the amount they owe.

“No matter how small, we can’t ignore it or waive it,” city finance director Dave Gajda said. “It doesn’t matter how much we spend to collect (delinquent taxes), we have to collect it.”

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

An old man visits his doctor and, after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, “I have good news and bad news. What would you like to hear first?”

The patient answers, “Well, give me the bad news first.”

“You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left,” the doctor says.

“That’s terrible! In two years, my life will be over!” the patient cried. “What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?”

The doctor says, “You also have Alzheimer’s. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.”

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady s house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.

“Wow!” the man said. “Can I take it for a test drive?” Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady s house.

“Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?”

“My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money.”

TREDWORTH, England (UPI) — An outraged British man said he sawed his son’s car in half after local authorities clamped it for no reason.

Ian Taylor, 40 of Tredworth, England, said he was so upset to find his son’s Ford Fiesta was impounded, he was prompted to use a power disc cutter to chop it in half to stand up for his beliefs, the Sun reported Monday.

Taylor said the car was registered to be parked off the street, but the clamper nailed him because two inches of the back end was sticking out of the driveway.

“I had to make a point. The vehicle was totally legal where it was. It was a drastic step but I stand by my decision,” Taylor said.

Taylor said he told the clampers they could take the back end of the car because it was the section that violated the rules.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the money.”

ALTA, Iowa (UPI) — An elderly blind man says he wasn’t nervous and felt like a pro when he bowled a perfect game in front of a crowd at Century Lanes in Alta, Iowa.

Dale Davis, 78, a legally blind man nicknamed “The Hammer,” made headlines when he rolled a 300 while bowling with his league, CBS News “The Early Show” reported.

“I didn’t feel nervous. My hand was a little sweaty, but other than that, I wasn’t really nervous. I just thought, ‘Good Lord, let me throw a couple or three more good balls’ … and I got the help, I guess,” he said.

It is reported Davis has had macular degeneration for 10 years, an incurable eye disease that has caused him to lose vision entirely in one eye and partially in the other.

“It was quite a thrill. For just a few minutes there, I felt like a pro,” Davis said.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. (UPI) – Police in Sheboygan, Wis., say an 8-year-old girl was shot in the leg by her BB gun-wielding mother as part of a $1 bet the parent made with her boyfriend.

Angelique Vandeberg, 28, was charged with a felony count of intentional child abuse after her daughter told her school councilor Vandeberg shot her in the leg with a BB gun after her boyfriend bet her $1 she wouldn’t do it, the Sheboygan Press reported Monday.

The girl said both adults had been drinking heavily before the incident. The school councilor said a circular bruise that appeared to be consistent with a BB gun-inflicted injury remained visible on the child’s leg days after the alleged incident.

“In my time as a prosecutor I’ve seen alcohol influence people to do some strange things,” Sheboygan County District Attorney Joe DeCecco said of the case. “When people are not in the state of mind to think right, you get strange things happening.”

Vandeberg could face up to three years in prison if convicted.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

OAK LAWN, Ill. (UPI) — The mayor of Oak Lawn, Ill., said he wishes the state hadn’t made him take down comical messages he posted under stop signs around town.

The Illinois Department of Transportation made Mayor Dave Heilmann remove comments such as “and smell the roses” and “means that you aren’t moving” from underneath 50 Oak Lawn stop signs, the Chicago Tribune reported.

Heilmann was ordered to take down the comments after receiving a letter from the department April 17, seven months after he began posting them as part of a public safety campaign to reduce speeding.

“I thought that was a very harsh response to an effort to promote safety. I truly believe the signs were making an impact,” Heilmann told the newspaper.

The department said the funny slogans went against the federal Manual on Uniform Traffic Control Devices and Oak Lawn could face cuts for federally funded projects if they weren’t taken down.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International