FukDatShhh.CoM

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet it’s some flowers!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, “I bet I know what it is! It’s a box of candy!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered.

“What is it?” she said.

“A puppy!”

PAPILLION, Neb. (UPI) – A Nebraska man is charged with child neglect after his 4-year old daughter was burned while he was teaching her a fire trick, police said.

Brian Kirby, 26, told police he was showing his daughter how to do a trick with a liquor bottle and lit match when she was accidentally burned, KETV in Omaha reported Wednesday.

The girl reportedly was dropping a lit match into the bottle when a flame burst upward and burned her. She is now in good health and in the care of her mother.

Kirby told authorities he was attempting to teach the child about fire safety when the Saturday incident occurred, KETV reported.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

MARGATE, Fla. (UPI) – A single Florida mother of two won more than $1 million at a casino on the same day her father won $7,000 from a lottery ticket, the woman told reporters.

Paulette Miles, 48, of Margate, Fla., was at Seminole Coconut Creek Casino betting on a “Cash Cow” nickel slot machine Saturday when she hit it big for $1,114,815 — the highest amount ever won on a Florida slot machine — the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported Wednesday.

Miles, who earns her living as a nurse for a man with Parkinson’s disease, said she’d lost $67 of the $100 she took to the casino and was trying to win back enough money to afford gas for a drive to Wellington, Fla., to spend time with her father the next day.

“Something must have been going on. My dad hit the lottery for $7,000 the same day,” she said.

Miles said she would have been happy to win even $1,000 and that in the flurry of her win, she never ended up making the visit to her dad.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”