FukDatShhh.CoM

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’s worked for over 200 years and I’m told we’re not using it anymore.

WINDSOR, Ontario (UPI) — Homeowners who have cars with alarms can scare off burglars by keeping their key fobs next to their pillows, the Ontario Provincial Police recommend.

On the Canadian force’s southwestern Ontario Web site, a tip is posted suggesting that homeowners who hear suspicious noises during the night should hit the “panic button” on the alarm control.

“It’s a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation,” the site says. “If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar or attacker won’t stick around.”

While the regional site praises the potential of car alarms for home theft, the OPP main site’s statistics indicate the gadgets aren’t doing much for vehicle thefts — about 52,000 vehicles are stolen in Ontario each year, and 18,000 of them are unaccounted for.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

CAMAS, Wash. (UPI) — Police in Camas, Wash., said a 66-year-old woman chased down and wrestled a 22-year-old armed robbery suspect to the ground.

Joshua Crowley was arrested on suspicion of armed robbery after he allegedly held up a Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise at knifepoint, KPTV, Portland, Ore., reported.

A store clerk dialed 911 immediately after the suspect exited the fast-food restaurant and the manager ran outside and alerted drive-through customers and passersby that the store had been robbed and pointed out the suspect as he fled.

Mary Chamberlain, 66, one of the motorists alerted by the manager, followed Crowley in her car before exiting the vehicle and confronting the suspect, police said. She wrestled Crowley to the ground and police arrived within seconds to arrest the alleged robber.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International

BORDEAUX, France (UPI) – A Dutch wine producer in Bordeaux, France, has purchased an insurance policy worth nearly $8 million for his nose, a report said.

Chateau de la Garde owner and maker of Tulipe Wines, Ilja Gort, purchased the policy to protect him if he ever were to lose his nose or ability to smell, London’s Daily Telegraph reported Wednesday.

“This certainly is an insurance policy not to be sniffed at. The nose and sense of smell of a wine maker are as important as the fingers of a chef,” said Jonathan Thomas, top underwriter at Watkins Syndicate.

Watkins Syndicate reportedly co-insured Gort’s plan with Allianz Nederland.

Gort claimed his nose was his most prized possession and that a keen ability to smell was needed to ensure the caliber of his product.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International