| 25 March |
Which one? |
I rear ended a car this morning…the driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf!
He looked up at me and said “I am NOT Happy!”
So I said, “Well, which one ARE you then?”
That’s how the fight started.
Archive for March 25th, 2008
| 25 March |
Uncle Leo |
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”
Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track.”
“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.
“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there”, answers Tom.
“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.
“Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.
“What if that had been vandalized?”
“Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo”.
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”
| 25 March |
Computer Work Pranks |
- Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.
- Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
- When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can’t get the darn thing to work. After he/she’s turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
- Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
- Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it’s set up with.
- Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
- Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
- Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say “You did that?” loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
- Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer’s Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
| 25 March |
French mayor bans dying |
SARPOURENX, France (UPI) – A mayor in southwest France has threatened residents of his village of Sarpourenx with severe punishment if they die because there’s no room in the cemetery.
Mayor Gerard Lalanne posted an ordinance in the council offices advising the village’s 260 residents that “all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish.”
It added, “Offenders will be severely punished,” Homes Worldwide said.
The 70-year-old mayor, who is hoping to be re-elected in local elections, told journalists, “It may be a laughing matter for some, but not for me.”
Copyright 2008 by United Press International
| 25 March |
Camera can see through clothing |
LONDON (UPI) – Developers of a specialized camera that can help police detect weapons and drugs under clothing say they will show it off in England this week.
The camera, which can see through clothing at distances of up to 80 feet, could be used by authorities in such places as railway stations and airports, The Sunday Times of London reported.
The newspaper reported that while the T5000 system can detect objects under clothing, it does not show anatomical details. It works by detecting and measuring terahertz waves, or T-waves for short.
Because each object emits different wavelengths, the camera can distinguish, for example, between sugar and cocaine, the newspaper reported.
The technology, originally designed for use in spacecraft to see through clouds of cosmic dust, was developed by ThruVision, an English company.
“Acts of terrorism have shaken the world in recent years and security precautions have been tightened globally. The T5000 dramatically extends the range over which we can scan people,” said ThruVision Chief Executive Clive Beattie.
The camera will be showcased at the Home Office scientific development branch’s annual exhibition at an airbase in Buckinghamshire, the newspaper said.
Copyright 2008 by United Press International
| 25 March |
Soap and Water |
We were asked to dinner by a new friend. When we sat down at the table, we noticed that the dishes were dirty.
“Were these dishes washed?”, I asked the hostess as I rubbed my fingers over the surface.
She replied, “They’re as clean as soap and water could get them”.
I felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating anyway. Dinner was delicious, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, “Here Soap! Here Water!”
| 25 March |
5 pounds of pot found at recycling center |
SAN JOSE, Calif. (UPI) – Police in San Jose, Calif., said workers at a recycling plant found five pounds of marijuana in a trash bag at the facility.
Officer Jermaine Thomas said workers at the GreenTeam recycling center called police Friday morning to report their find, the San Jose Mercury News reported Wednesday.
Thomas said the marijuana plants could have come from anywhere in the country. He said it was not clear whether the bag they were found in was meant to contain lawn clippings or other recyclables.
Police said one pound of cannabis can fetch as much as $750.
Copyright 2008 by United Press International
| 25 March |
Principal on leave after kids eat on floor |
CAMDEN, N.J. (UPI) — Camden, N.J., school officials said a vice principal has been placed on leave after she allegedly made children eat their lunch while sitting on a gym floor.
Kenneth McIntosh, head of the Camden Education Association, said Sumner Elementary School staff were notified Monday that Vice Principal Theresa Brown has beFen placed on leave, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported Wednesday.
Angel Cordero, who helped to organize the parents of the affected students, said a fifth-grade class was forced to eat their lunches on the gymnasium floor for two weeks. He said the move was a punishment after one of the students spilled a water-cooler jug while attempting to move it.
He said the children in the class are all Hispanic.
“These kids are ESL (English as a Second Language) kids who came from other countries. They’re humble,” Cordero said.
Camden school spokesman Bart Leff said the incident is being investigated.
Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Copyright 2008 by United Press International
| 25 March |
The Game Sets June 24 Date For ‘L.A.X.’ |
Compton Hip-Hop star The Game has announced the release date for his highly anticipated third major label release, L.A.X. (Los Angeles Times). According to The Game, the album will hit stores on June 24, the first day of summer. “I have a highly controversial album coming this summer and not the typical controversy you are used to in rap,” The Game said. “On L.A.X. I’m addressing real issues that other artists might be scared to talk about on record; issues that need to be heard.”
For the full story log on: http://allhiphop.com/stories/news/archive/2008/03/24/19521899.aspx
| 25 March |
Alarms go off as dolls get breast implants in ‘Miss Bimbo’ game |
Story Highlights
- Young girls can buy their virtual dolls breast implants on Miss Bimbo Web site
- Girls compete to become the “hottest, coolest, most famous bimbo”
- Site is popular among girls aged 7 to 17 years old
——————
LONDON, England (CNN) – A Web site that encourages girls as young as seven to give virtual dolls breast implants and put them on crash diets has caused concern among parents and children’s activists.
The provocatively named “Miss Bimbo” Web site launched in the UK last month and is described as a “virtual fashion game for girls.”
Girls are encouraged to compete against each other to become the “hottest, coolest, most famous bimbo in the whole world.”
When a girl signs up, they are given a naked virtual character to look after and pitted against other girls to earn “bimbo” dollars so they can dress her in sexy outfits and take her clubbing.
They are told “stop at nothing,” even “meds or plastic surgery,” to ensure their dolls win.
Users are given missions, including securing plastic surgery at the game’s clinic to give their dolls bigger breasts, and they have to keep her at her target weight with diet pills, which cost 100 bimbo dollars.
Breast implants sell at 11,500 bimbo dollars and net the buyer 2,000 bimbo attitudes, making her more popular on the site.
And bagging a billionaire boyfriend is the most desirable way to earn the all important “mula” or bimbo dollars.
Working, it seems, is a bit of a chore in bimbo world.
The site says: “Bimbo dollars is ‘the cabbage,’ ‘bread,’ the ‘mula’ you’ll need to buy nice things and to get by in bimbo world. To earn some bimbo cash you will have to (gasp) work or find a boyfriend to be your sugar daddy and hook you up with a phat expense account!”
The advice on feeding the dolls is even more spurious, encouraging them to feed the dolls “every now and then” even though they want to keep their Bimbos “waif thin.”
The British version already has nearly 200,000 players, most of whom are girls aged between 7 and 17, according to the Web site.
Although it is free to play, when the contestants run out of virtual dollars they have to send cell phone text messages costing $3 each or use PayPal to top up their accounts.
In France, where “Miss Bimbo’s” sister Web site, “Ma Bimbo,” was criticized by dieticians and parents when it began last year, one parent threatened the creators with legal action after his daughter ran up a $200 mobile bill sending texts without his knowledge, according to the Times of London newspaper.
Parents’ groups are horrified that the game is taking off in Britain, fearing it could send the wrong message about eating disorders and plastic surgery to young girls
Bill Hibberd, of parents’ rights group Parentkind, told the Times the game sends a dangerous message to young girls.
He said: “It is one thing if a child recognizes it as a silly and stupid game.
“But the danger is that a nine-year-old fails to appreciate the irony and sees the Bimbo as a cool role model. Then the game becomes a hazard and a menace.”
One parent also told The Times the creators were irresponsible. Nick Williams said he was appalled when he saw his daughters Katie, nine, and Sarah, 14, playing the game.
Williams, 42, an accountant, said: “I noticed them looking at possible breast operations and facelifts for their bimbos at the game’s plastic surgery clinic.
“Katie is far too young for that kind of thing and it is irresponsible of the site’s creators to be leading young girls astray. They are easily influenced at that age as to what is cool.”
However, the creators of “Miss Bimbo” claim it is “harmless fun.”
Nicolas Jacquart, the 23-year-old Web designer from Tooting, south London, who created it was quoted in the Daily Mail as saying: “It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world.”
He added: “The breast operations are just one part of the game and we are not encouraging young girls to have them, just reflecting real life.”
Story from: CNN
