FukDatShhh.CoM

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, “That’s once.”

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, “That’s twice.”

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.”

The farmer said, “That’s once.”

An elderly woman goes to the doctor. She says, “Doc, it’s terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it’s odorless and silent, otherwise I’d be mortified. For example, I’ve passed gas ten times just since we’ve been talking, but it’s odorless and silent so you can’t tell.” The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a week.

The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week. She says, “Doc, there’s been a change but not for the better. I still pass gas all the time, but while it’s still silent, now it smells terrible!”

The doctor says, “Well, I’m glad we cleared up your sinus blockage. Now we’ll have to work on your hearing.”

INDIANAPOLIS (UPI) — Indiana’s state attorney general is suing a California woman who allegedly wrote her name on her employer’s $1.26 million tax refund check.

Attorney General Steve Carter alleges in the lawsuit filed in federal court that Lucia Abrantes illegally put her name on the refund check Indiana issued to Verizon Capital Corp., The Indianapolis Star reported Wednesday.

Carter claims Abrantes, who is described in the suit as a “rogue employee” of Verizon, deposited the money in her bank account and had it sent overseas.

The banks that processed the check, J.P. MorganChase of New York and Washington Mutual Capital of Washington, were also named as defendants in the suit, which says the institutions should not have processed the altered check.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International