FukDatShhh.CoM

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. (UPI) – Officials in Brattleboro, Vt., have decided to allow residents to vote at a town meeting on whether to indict U.S. President Bush for war crimes.

The Brattleboro Select Board voted 3-2 to put the measure, which would allow for the indictment and arrest of President George Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney for war crimes, perjury or obstruction of justice charges if they ever visit Vermont, on the Town Meeting Day warning, the Rutland (Vt.) Herald reported Monday.

Town Clerk Annette Cappy said residents will vote on the measure using paper ballots at the March 4 meeting.

Critics of the measure have questioned whether the town actually has the power to enforce an affirmative outcome of the vote.

Kurt Daims, who organized the petition drive to have the measure considered, claims Bush and Cheney committed perjury by lying to Congress and the entire nation about the basis of the war in Iraq.

“This is exactly what the charter envisioned as a citizen initiative,” Daims said. “People want to express themselves and they want to say how they feel.”

Vermont is the only state Bush has not visited since he took office in 2001.

A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?” The bartender, confused, tells the duck that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?” Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ”Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!”

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?”

Confused, the bartenders says no.

”Good!” says the duck. ”Got any grapes?”

10. Being told to ‘Think outside the Box’ when you’re in a box all day long.
9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who’s behind you.
8. Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire.
7. Always having that nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you’ll get a piece of cheese!
6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.
4. There are 23 power cords but only ONE outlet.
3. Prison cells are not only bigger… they also have beds.
2. When tours come through, you get lots of peanuts thrown at you.
1. You can’t slam the door when you quit and walk out. (I have a piece of cardboard with a knob drawn on it. I slam that quite often. Not the same effect as wood, though).

AKRON, Mich. (UPI) – An Akron, Mich., woman said she received a barrage of phone messages after her advertisement selling a horse was mistakenly categorized as food.

Kristen DeGroat said her ad in The Saginaw (Mich.) News, which offered her 3-year-old mare for sale, mistakenly appeared in the “Good Things to Eat” section of the classifieds, The Saginaw News reported Thursday.

“3 YEAR OLD Registered Pinto Mare, $200 or best,” the ad read.

DeGroat said she received about 60 calls in response to the ad, mostly from people upset that someone would sell a horse for food.

“I had a lady call whose friend was just in tears over this thing,” DeGroat said. “It doesn’t help that my cell phone number starts with 666.”

A representative of the newspaper said the ad appeared in the wrong section due to an error that was later corrected.

DeGroat said about one-third of the calls were from buyers who were genuinely interested in buying the horse for its culinary value. However, she said she sold the animal to a St. Charles, Mich., buyer who purchased the horse as a pet for his granddaughters.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International