FukDatShhh.CoM

“Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?” the solicitor questioned his client. “Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?”

“Oh, no,” replied Mrs. O’Connor. “Sure now, we only have a carport.”

The solicitor tried again. “Well, does the man beat you up?”

“No, no,” said Mrs. O’Connor, looking puzzled. “I’m always first out of bed.”

Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. “Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?”

“Sure now, he plays the flute, but I don’t think he knows anything about the connubial.”

Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. “What I’m trying to find out are what grounds you have.”

“Bless you, sir. We live in a flat — not even a window box, let alone grounds.”

“Mrs. O’Connor,” the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, “you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?”

“Ah, well now,” said the lady, “Sure it’s because the man can’t hold an intelligent conversation.”

• Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly California).
• White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.
• spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
• Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
• Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).
• Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
• Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
• 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
• Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
• New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
• IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
• Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George Opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said”no”. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now cause I’ve just shot them all.” Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

(True Story)